When it comes to core values, there’s no “one size fits all” approach. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we use the term values to refer to the principles that govern how you want to act. It can be helpful to think of one’s values as a compass or a north star; they can help us make choices based on the direction in which we want our lives to go. It's what is truly important in our lives.
Accountability, bravery, compassion, honesty, peacefulness, meaningful work, & security are examples of core values. But there are many more and since everyone is unique,, it makes total sense that everyone can hold different values too. For example, someone’s core value may be safety; meaning to feel secure, to feel protected or ensure safety for oneself or others. While another person may really value adventure over safety. There’s no better than or less than when it comes to core values. But as a therapist, I find it really helpful to ask clients to share about their own core values or priorities. This helps increase self awareness and also allows me to better understand what is important to a client. I don’t want to ever assume that what I value most is what a client also values.
So how does one go about identifying their core values? For some, the answer is crystal clear and they can share without hesitation. For others, there is a pause. Maybe they have never thought about it or maybe they grew up in a family or a community that handed down values and never thought about their own. Fortunately, there are so many ways to begin identifying one’s core values.
One thing that I do often is provide clients with a handout that lists core values and ask them to quickly circle the ones that stand out to them. The key here is to not overthink them; just circle the ones that stand out. Or in a session, we might do a card sorting exercise where I give a client a stack of cards with values written on them and ask them to quickly sort them into three piles which are labeled most important to me, somewhat important to me and not at all important to me. (As a side, this can be a helpful activity for couples to do too. Write down what you think your partner’s core values are and have them sort the cards and see if you guessed correctly or not. It can be a really interesting conversation starter for couples.)
And if a client is interested in art therapy or is participating in one of my art therapy groups, then we would likely use artwork to help us identify and visualize our core values. Some art activities around core value work include creating a collage about what inspires you to take action. Our core values can reveal themselves through our actions. Can you recall a situation when you took a stand for something or someone? What were the feelings that motivated you to speak up or act? What were you willing to risk in that situation?
Another art therapy activity is creating a tree self portrait in which one depicts their core values as either as the roots that help ground them or as the leaves on the branches that they are striving for.
There are some additional things to keep in mind around core values. 1) Values can & do change and that is OK. For example, what one values in their twenties may be totally different than what one values in their 40s. Sometimes a big life event happens and that can make different values rise to the top. And 2) When someone is not living a life in line with one’s chosen values, then they can experience discomfort or tension. This can show up in many ways such as a drop in self esteem or confidence, difficulty making decisions, physical symptoms like headache or stomachaches & sleeplessness. Life just feels harder when one's actions are not in line with one’s values.